there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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