Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
