Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
