overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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