it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
