I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
