Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
