bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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