walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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