I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
