I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
