so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
