I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Boobs speak an international language.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
