So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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