I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
