just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
