i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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