I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
