lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
