Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
