you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
