i think i have two assholes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
