OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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