this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
