Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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