Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
