The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
