that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
