I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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