Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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