She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
