tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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