So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
