is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
