If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
