I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
