of course. lets lasso hookers.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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