textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
