my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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