Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
