Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
