sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
