Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
