So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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