"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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