I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
