Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
