I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
