I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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