you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
