We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So much rum. So many feels.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
