i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
