Duck Duck Cougar?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
